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Prince Henry Stuart, Duke of Gloucester

28 Mar

My novel about Henrietta Stuart is going very very well and has, so far, completely justified my decision to delete the first attempt and start again from scratch. The new version begins in March 1654 and is narrated by Minette herself, which I feel much happier about as I love writing in the first person.

I’m loving the research too – I’m really interested in the lives of the Stuart family and their various hangers on during the Interregnum period when they seemed to be all wandering around Europe. It’s a really fascinating time to read about. I’m not a massive fan of Henrietta Maria (foolish but capable of incredible bravado is my opinion) but I really feel sorry for her as she spent a large amount of that time with her children scattered all over the place. It must have been particularly awful when she was in France and her three youngest children, including the baby Henrietta were left behind in England under the protection of Parliament.

I’m particularly interested right now in Prince Henry, Duke of Gloucester who was the youngest son of Henrietta Maria and Charles I. He was born on the 8th of July 1640 and was a toddler of two when the English Civil War broke out. When his parents and elder siblings escaped London and went to Hampton Court in some haste and disorder on the 10th of January 1642, Henry and his elder sister Elizabeth were left behind in St James Palace London with their household and were for a time moved to the White Tower in the Tower of London although they were mostly allowed to live in greater comfort in Chelsea, St James Palace and Syon House.

Henrietta Maria never ceased worrying about her children, who were now in the possession of Parliament. They were treated very well though by all accounts, with Cromwell himself taking an interest in their well being. It must have been odd though – Henry was a toddler when he was separated from his parents and would remain in the hands of Parliament until his early teens with a succession of noble guardians, such as the Earl of Northumberland.

After their father was captured in 1647 (I say ‘captured’ but actually the Scots kind of handed him over to Parliament), Elizabeth and Henry were able to see more of him although they were never permitted to form an actual family group together. When Charles was being held at Hampton Court Palace, his children were housed at nearby Syon House for the summer and were allowed to visit and spend supervised time with him in the gardens.

Visits were much rarer towards the end of Charles’ life but we know that the children, whom he hadn’t seen for over a year, were brought to see him on the evening before his execution so that they could say goodbye. The Princess Elizabeth recalled that her father put the eight year old Henry on his knee and said ‘Sweetheart, now they will cut off thy father’s head, Mark, child, what I say. They will cut off my head, and perhaps make thee a King. But mark what I say, you must not be a King, so long as your brothers, Charles and James do live; for they will cut off your brothers’ heads (when they can catch them) and cut off thy head too at the last; and therefore I charge you, do not be made a King by them.’

With the greatest fervour, Prince Henry replied: ‘I will be torn in pieces first’ and his father was extremely pleased about this.

It was wise advice. There had been discussions within the Parliamentary inner circle for several years about adopting the young Prince Henry, who was young, malleable and, most crucially, completely in their hands, and making him a sort of puppet King with Parliament acting as his regent. It should be noted that Cromwell was, at first at least, very much in favour of this plan.

We know that Cromwell visited Elizabeth and Henry from time to time and it’s said that on one occasion in 1649 he joked with the prince about having him apprenticed to a cobbler or brewer, which strikes a chilling foreshadowing of the fate of the unfortunate young Louis XVII in 1793. Henry, who was eight at the time, apparently responded that it would be better for Parliament to make some of his dead father’s estates over to him than apprentice him out like a slave.

Cromwell is said to have replied: ‘Boy, you must be an apprentice, for all your father’s revenues will not make half satisfaction for the wrong he has done the kingdom.

After the execution of their father, the noble guardians were rather less keen about taking on the charge of his children and they were eventually packed off to Penshurst in Kent under the care of the Earl and Countess of Leicester. I went to Penshurst once as a little girl and STILL have dreams about it – it’s a most heavenly place so I like to think that they were both very happy there. At any rate, we know that the Countess was very kind to them.

Unfortunately, in August 1650 they were both moved to Carisbrooke castle on the Isle of Wight, which was a rather less comfortable residence. The Princess Elizabeth, always sickly and probably in the last stages of tuberculosis, died there in September 1650 leaving Henry alone in the care of their final governor, Anthony Mildmay.

The death of fourteen year old Princess Elizabeth caused Parliament rather a lot of embarrassment as it naturally didn’t take long for rumours to start that the princess had either died as a result of ill treatment or had been poisoned by Cromwell. As a result they became rather paranoid about the health of Prince Henry, terrified lest he succumb to some random fever and bring further calumny upon their heads. They were therefore happy to accede to Henry’s request in 1652 that he should be allowed to travel to the continent and rejoin his family. Cromwell even gave the Prince £500 to assist in his journey.

The official line of course was that: ‘Henry Stuart, the son of the late King, should be sent out of this realm, for lessening the charges for his keeping by the Commonwealth.‘ In other words: we’re not paying for you any more!

Prince Henry was not quite thirteen years old when he landed in Holland in March 1653 and was reunited with his eldest sister, Mary, Princess of Orange. He was a tall, handsome, charming boy and she was naturally keen to keep this little brother with her in the Netherlands. However, Henrietta Maria sent angsty letters from Paris demanding to be reunited with her youngest boy and so he duly travelled on to France with his tutor, Richard Lovell.

The good looking, tennis mad young prince was a massive hit in Paris and was fondly known as ‘le petit cavalier’. More than a few of the exiled royalists even considered him a better bet than his older brothers when it came to regaining the throne.

It didn’t take long to go completely wrong though. Henry, who had been separated from his mother for around twelve years had been raised as a staunch Protestant and had no interest in being converted to Catholicism, which she immediately set out to do, seemingly considering that the religion of her youngest children should be well within her remit.

Much against Prince Henry’s will, his mother began an unwise and rather aggressive campaign to try and force him to convert to Catholicism. His eldest brother, Charles II, who was by then living in Cologne, was apparently so angry when he heard about it that he was rendered speechless and immediately fired off a letter to his mother telling her to desist and pointing out that should his brother convert to Catholicism, he might as well kiss goodbye to any hope of ever being allowed to take back his rightful throne, so hated as Catholicism was in England.

He also sent a remarkable letter to Prince Henry, which he entrusted to the Marquis of Ormonde, who was sent post haste to Paris to assess the situation and, if necessary, rescue the young Prince from his mother’s clutches:

Cologne, 10th November 1654

Dear Brother,

I have received yours without a date, in which you tell me that Mr Montagu, the Abbot of Pontoise, has endeavoured to pervert you from your religion. I do not doubt but you remember very well, the commands I left with you at my going away concerning that point. I am confident that you will observe them; yet your letters that come from Paris say, that it is the Queen’s purpose to do all that she can to change your religion, in which, if you hearken to her, or to anybody else in the matter, you must never think to see England or me again; and whatsoever mischief shall fall upon me or my affairs from this time, I must lay all upon you as being the cause of it. Therefore consider well what it is to be, not only the cause of ruining a brother who loves you so well, but also your king and country. Do not let them persuade you either by force or fair promises; the first they never dare not will use, and for the second, as soon as they have perverted you, they will have their end, and then they will care no more for you.

I am also informed there is a purpose to put you to the Jesuits’ college which I command you, on the same grounds never to consent unto; and whensoever anybody goes to dispute with you in religion, do not answer them at all; for though you have reason on your side yet they, being prepared, will have the advantage of anybody that is not upon the same familiarity with argument as they are. If you do not consider what I say unto you, remember the last words of your dead father, which were, to be constant in your religion, and never to be shaken in it; which if you do not observe this shall be the last time you hear from,

Dear Brother, your most affectionate brother, Charles II.

When Ormonde arrived in Paris on the 20th of November he found all in uproar. The Prince’s tutor had been summarily dismissed and Henry himself had been unwillingly packed off to the Abbey at Pontoise where his mother’s creature, Walter Montagu was busy making plans to have him turned over to the Jesuit College at Clermont for instruction and conversion.

In vain did Ormonde attempt to make Henrietta Maria see reason but she remained obstinate – she had not agreed to not convert Henry, just to not use violence in the attempt; Charles was ill advised and actually no ill harm would come of Henry’s conversion and above all she saw it as her duty as a mother to restore her son to the true faith and cure him of the errors he had fallen into during their separation. She also tried to lie to Ormonde, claiming that Henry’s tutor had left of his own free will, which everyone knew was completely false.

She tried to dissuade Ormonde from going to Pontoise to talk to Henry himself but he was acting on Charles’ orders and like all true staunch Royalists completely terrified that anything could further turn England against their cause. He went to the Abbey the next day and was saddened to find Henry upset, frightened but, thankfully, resolute about his determination not to be turned away from Protestantism.

Undaunted by the threats and machinations of Henrietta Maria, Montagu and the Dowager Queen Anne of France who were all in it together, Ormonde whisked Henry back to Paris and lent him his support as they did their best to persuade the boy to go to the Jesuits. In the end, there was one last interview with his mother on the 28th of November when she asked him for the last time if he would be converted. Henry remained adamant and she fell into a rage, shouted at him to get out of her sight and that she never wanted to see him again. The Prince knelt to ask her for a final blessing but she refused to give it and walked past him without saying another word. They were never to see each other again.

Henry, distraught about his mother’s treatment, went to his rooms to find that his servants had already been dismissed, his things packed and his horses turned out of the stables. He was left penniless and alone. His last goodbye was to his sister, Henrietta, who wept terribly at their final parting.

Henry and his mother remained estranged for the rest of his life. He went off to join Charles in Cologne and from then on became another wandering Stuart prince. Later on he would become a soldier, fighting alongside his brothers, Charles and James for Spain and distinguishing himself for his bravery and tactical brilliance. He caught the eye of the Grande Condé, another avowed enemy of the Catholic faith who was, unusually for the times, an agnostic, who took the boy under his wing – letting him live at Chantilly away from his mother and even suggesting a match with his niece.

When Charles II was restored to the English throne in 1660, Henry travelled back with him and went to live in Whitehall where he took a chief part in the celebrations. Sadly, he was not to enjoy the good fortune of his family for very long and fell dangerously ill with the dreaded smallpox in autumn 1660 before dying on the 18th of September after his physicians initially predicted a full recovery. He was just twenty one years old.

Hyde described Henry as ‘in truth the finest youth and of the most manly understanding that I have ever known’ and his death was rightly considered to be a tragedy by Charles and all of his supporters as not only had he been a most promising young Prince but his demise also meant that until Charles married and managed to produce some legitimate offspring, James, who was suspected to have converted to Catholicism during his exile, was left as the heir to the throne, which didn’t please very many people at all.

I’d agree with Antonia Fraser who suggests that the death of Prince Henry was one of the greatest tragedies to befall the Stuart dynasty if not the monarchy as a whole as he may well have made a superb King had he only lived to succeed his brothers.

Suggested further reading:

King Charles II

My Dearest Minette: Letters Between Charles II and His Sister Henrietta, Duchesse d’Orleans

Henrietta Maria: Charles I’s Indomitable Queen

Minette redux

24 Mar

I just did something really really scary – I deleted my entire WIP about Henrietta ‘Minette’ Stuart. Actually, that’s not the only scary thing I did this morning – I also watered the primroses in my front garden while lazily watched by a dozy but nonetheless terrifyingly huge wasp.

I think that on the whole, the deletion was the scarier of the two incidents.

Oh no, wait, I’m planning to do my first US tax return for the IRS later on. That’s pretty terrifying isn’t it?

But why delete a book? I can hear you all cry. Okay, some of you cry. Um, okay, a couple of you. Maybe.

The thing is that I’ve never been very happy with the novel that I was writing about Henrietta. There was something wrong from the very start – I just didn’t know what it was. I think I’ve figured it out now though:

1. I wanted Henrietta to be the STAR OF THE SHOW but then opted to begin the book with an incident that occurred when she was three, which kind of relegated her to a peripheral role while someone else, who was never intended to be the STAR and wasn’t going to be in the book for very long, took central stage.

2. I wanted the book to be in the first person but starting said book when the heroine is three isn’t really conducive to this. No offence to any three year olds reading this (I have one myself), but they don’t exactly make for scintillating narration.

3. I’d become far too bogged down in an idea of how I thought Serious Historical Fiction should be written, which was at complete odds with the way that I like to write. Why, I thought to myself, can’t I write historical fiction in the same way as I write everything else? This blog, for example? I get COMPLETELY bored reading most Serious Historical Fiction published today so why would I want to WRITE that way as well? No, if I’m going to cling to the mast of Self Publication then I’m bloody well going to take the opportunity to write the sort of books that I personally want to read.

4. Thrilling though Henrietta’s escape from Oatlands to France may have been, I feel much more invigorated by the intrigue and frolics of the juvenile courts of Louis XIV and her brother, Charles II. I was so caught up in my haste to relay the drama of her escape, the Fronde and her father’s execution that I didn’t really stop and consider the possibility that these were all things that could work equally well, if not BETTER as reminisces. I love the English Civil War (and plan to write about it in more depth at some point – maybe from the POV of Lady Catherine Howard, whom I think was rather ace) but I wanted to write about the Restoration and the young Louis XIV and all that jazz.

5. I like to talk and I like to litter my writing with a lot of dialogue because that makes explaining things a lot less tiresome and also means that my characters can get things off their chests. However, while writing the first and now long gone RIP draft of Minette, I got bitten by the EXPLAINY MONSTER and got far too wound up about trying to explain the Fronde in a way that wouldn’t patronise the reader when actually all I needed to do was get a couple of my more entertaining characters to have a bit of a ‘Oh for the love of God, are they STILL rioting?’ chat about it.

So there we have it.

The original draft of Minette was a pretty lacklustre affair thanks to the feelings of annoyance, frustration and general confusion that swamped me while writing it. I was trying SO HARD to write what I thought was a ‘proper’ historical fiction book that I completely wrung the Fun Sponge dry and just didn’t enjoy writing it any more. I don’t think it was terrible though and it wouldn’t have been an AWFUL book had I finished it but I know I can do much MUCH better and so that’s what I am going to do…

Ps. I’m still working on the Marie Antoinette sequel – I just find that I work better if I have two projects actively on the go at once so I can feel like I’m bunking off if I switch to working on the other.

Marie Antoinette sequel progress

20 Mar

I love this pretty portrait of the young Marie Antoinette, painted in around 1774 by Jean Martial Frédou, an artist who was first painter for her brother in law, the Comte de Provence from 1776. It’s a lovely painting but as usual, the little Queen complained that it failed to capture a likeness. I’m reading her letters to her mother at the moment and there seems to be a lot of angst about portraits not quite getting it right. Poor Marie Antoinette!

I feel a lot of sympathy for the artists though. I’m sprinting through the first draft of the sequel to The Secret Diary at the moment and there’s always this fear that I’m not quite getting it right but as I said about Anne Boleyn the other day, there’s as many different Marie Antoinettes as there are artists and writers clamouring to bring her back to life again and I like my Marie Antoinette as do other people, so I think it’s all okay.

It’s going well though – I’ve written 15,000 words and am getting a bit worried because I have lots of years to go so either there’s going to be some epic editing at the end or this is going to be a MASSIVE book.

On the plus side, it looks like Lisa Falzon, who did the gorgeous cover for Before the Storm, will be providing the cover art again as well as a gorgeous new cover for The Secret Diary of a Princess! I’m extremely excited about this and have been making mood boards and all sorts with lots of pretty pictures and stuff.

I just need to think of a really great title too. I thought of a great one but it won’t work so I’m saving it for another future book that’s on my list after I’ve finished the Jack the Ripper novel (which I am researching while writing this one) and maybe the Minette one as well, although that’s getting completely rewritten when I get around to tackling it again. Ah, writing. Such a joy.

My books:

The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette

Before the Storm

Blood Sisters

Why I won’t get an agent

14 Mar

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a book must be in want of an agent.

Or are they?

There was much fist bumping and joviality last night when I realised that I had sold my five thousandth book. Five thousand books! Cor blimey. If things carry on at this rate, I’ll have sold ten thousand by the middle of summer. I can’t even imagine that. Can I feel a bit pleased with myself right now? I think I can and I do. Oh, I most assuredly do.

Or I did until the first inevitable ‘So are you going to try and get an agent now?’ comment came rolling in.

The answer is, of course, no. No, I won’t be trying to get an agent. I know, how quixotic of me. Or something. Anyway here’s why…

1. They can’t afford me. Sad but true. I know how much the average advance is these days and frankly pfft to it. We all know that writing to make money can only lead to RUIN and sad faces at the cashpoint but publishing to make money is a whole different ball game. I write because I lOVE it but at the same time I have bills and Student Loans to pay and food to buy and stuff to DO. If I threw my lot in with a ‘traditional’ publisher now, it would be sad faces and back to the day job for me, which I’m not prepared to do.

No offence but I’m selling a thousand copies of my Marie Antoinette novel every month and have a sequel coming out later this year which I’m kind of hoping will mean that I can give the day job up altogether. I don’t want to hand my income over to someone else and I definitely don’t want to have to wait years and years for it to be released.

I know, I know. This is horribly crass and some might say that putting fiscal considerations before ART means that I’m not a proper writer but come on, do you think Jane Austen never gave a skip of glee when a bit of revenue came in? Or Charles Dickens? Or Tolstoy?

Writers have to eat too. It’s a sad and inconvenient fact, but there it is.

2. They don’t want me. I have, against my better judgement, made brief excursions into the publishing world only to retreat hastily and vow never ever to have anything more to do with it ever again. I’m not embittered or anything (see point 1), I’m just, I don’t know, not really keen on the whole thing. And they aren’t keen on me either so we’re just mutually having nothing to do with each other.

They aren’t all bad though, I hasten to add. I follow some agents, editors and publishers on Twitter who are very lovely. I’ve even email corresponded with a few and it’s been really nice. I’d like to keep it that way though!

It’s funny though – I deleted a blog comment the other day which accused me of selfishly turning my back on the sinking publishing business by ‘flaunting’ my sales and blog stats and all the rest of it which most traditional writers would give their eye teeth for (Nonsense! If a traditionally published writer only sold five thousand books they’d find themselves without an agent again pretty damn sharpish!) and if I ‘really loved books as much as I say I do’ I’d be supporting them rather than throwing in my lot with The Enemy That Is Amazon. Or something.

‘But they don’t want me…’ I started to type before I went ‘Oh sod it’ and deleted them.

Anyway, it’s true. They. Don’t. Want. Me.

3. I’m a bit of a control freak. One of my books ‘Blood Sisters’ was supposed to be published by a small press last year, which was nice but I was asked to change the ending to make it a bit happier. I did this and it was fine but a certain feeling of unease began to nag at me as I became increasingly convinced that no, it really shouldn’t have a happy ending. It’s a novel about the French Revolution – if NO ONE loses their head then won’t readers feel cheated?

I had an excellent editor though and trusted their judgement completely so didn’t say anything. However, when the said small press folded (they were kind of ungracious and a bit spitefully childish about it to be honest, which has put me off small presses FOREVER) and I got the rights to my book back, I immediately changed the ending back again before self publishing.

I don’t know. There isn’t a moral there or anything, just, I suppose, a bit of a warning maybe?

This isn’t all set in stone though. Maybe one day the right agent will come along and just whisk me off my feet and I’ll giggle charmingly as I sign up with them and all will be rosy and lovely. I’m not saying that I’d never go with one. Sometimes I almost do feel like I have a sort of duty to at least TRY as I get several emails and comments every week asking why my books aren’t available in shops and sometimes I do wonder if perhaps I AM a part of the publishing problem and if perhaps I should make a bit more of an effort to fit in?

However, I then remember Point 2 and how horrible I felt when an agent informed me that I am basically illiterate and lacking in articulation (I don’t know, I think ‘illiterate’ is going a bit far but can’t really comment on my articulation) or how amused I feel now at the memory of the agent who told me that there is no market for Young Adult books about Marie Antoinette and that novels about the French Revolution simply don’t sell and my resolve never EVER to submit anything ever again stiffens once more…

My books:

The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette

Before the Storm

Blood Sisters

The Secret Diary of a Princess sequel announcement (finally!)

27 Feb

Just in case you missed the announcement that I slipped into one of my posts last week: I have started work on a sequel to The Secret Diary of a Princess and am hoping that it will be available to buy later this year.

It was always my intention to write a sequel at some point but I wanted to go off and write about the French Revolution first before I returned to the world of Maria Antonia and her family.

I also wanted to see how well the first book did and have concluded, three years on, that after pretty good sales (about nine hundred a month – cor blimey, which isn’t bad for a self published effort by a pleb like me), great reviews and a general clamouring for a sequel, I probably should just get on with things and write it.

I don’t think it will be a trilogy though – sorry! I’m not even sure when this follow up book will end but am pretty sure it will be pretty far short of the events of 1789, which I have covered exhaustively in Blood Sisters and Before the Storm. I can confirm that it will start exactly where the first book left off though…

On the plus side, it means that I’m going to be heading back to Paris sometime in the next few months to mooch around Versailles and buy books and stuff. I also have to do some research for Minette while I am there, which will be fun!

It’s weird to be back in the world of Antonia again, dusting off that immense mountain of books and thanking my lucky stars that I can read French. It’s going to be fun too though – I had a lot of fun while writing the first book and it seems from reviews that this really comes across.

At the moment, the plan is to release Secret Diary II (which has a working title of Antoinette 4 Louis but won’t actually be called this!) later this year and then Minette early the following year. Both books will almost certainly be available exclusively for Kindle, at least at first. I will also be updating Secret Diary at some point soon to reflect my increased prowess when it comes to editing manuscripts and also I’m hoping that both books will have beautiful new matching covers as well. I’d better get on with sorting that out, actually!

The Secret Diary of a Princess is a Young Adult book but at this point I don’t know if the follow up will be as well – I am aiming for it to be suitable for pretty much all ages but will confirm all of that when it is released!

Phew! Hope that makes at least some of you happy!

Ps. People have started asking about sequels to my other books – I don’t have anything planned right now as I think they ran their course but, in the manner of Jane Austen, I DO know what happened afterwards so if you desperately want to know what happened to a favourite character just ask!

Twenty signs that you are writing historical fiction…

26 Feb

No book review today as I’ve been slacking off a bit and working on my own books. Normal service will resume next week when I will have not one, but TWO reviews for you! Instead, here’s a list of twenty signs that you are writing historical fiction…

1. You gleefully claim trips to Paris and Rome on your tax return. And also London and Bath too. Oh wait, could I write a book set in Saint Petersburg or New York as well?

2. You start referring to skirts in the plural as in ‘skirts’ instead of a ‘skirt’, thus indicating that the skirt you are writing about is BIGGER than any old plain common garden skirt. Ho yes.

3. You have a framed photograph of Georgette Heyer somewhere in your house. It may even have candles and flowers around it and a burnt offering of a copy of Venetia. No wait, that would mean BURNING a copy of Venetia and that’s SACRILEGE so instead I will name one of my sons after two of her characters. And then presumably never tell him this fact…

4. When people say that the weather is 18C, you immediately think they mean the weather is reminiscent of that in the 18th century and get sympathetic palpitations.

5. Your Google history is full of terms like ‘Rupert Penry Jones Regency Jane Austen hot’, ‘Aidan Turner sexy pout Dante Gabriel Rossetti’ and ‘Tom Hardy Marie Antoinette wig cor I would’. This is all for RESEARCH PURPOSES.

6. You spend a lot of time wondering what ratafia, calf brain fritters and roast peacock tastes like. Too much time in fact. If you are a vegetarian like me you may even find yourself becoming excessively angsty about the vast amounts of roast flesh that your characters are clearly yearning to eat and wishing that they ate more salad in Georgian times. Meanwhile, your family are beginning to live in fear of your culinary experiments.

7. Every time someone insults you, you find yourself wishing that you could challenge them to a duel. You even know whom you would have as your seconds. You may even also have an outfit picked out.

8. Your iTunes account is littered with playlists called things like ‘Dead Victorian Girl’, ’18th Century Snogging Scene’ and, obscurely, ‘Guillotine time’.

9. You start to think that powdered hair is actually quite becoming and also get a bit heavy handed with blusher, which by now you are calling ‘rouge’.

10. You eye your husband with disapproval and wonder what he would look like in a nice white linen shirt, breeches and tall boots rather than a geeky T shirt, jeans and skater trainers combination. You may even badger him into growing his hair a bit and, oh why not, cultivating a bit of stubble. Oh and could you put a pirate hat on and ‘grin fiendishly, your strong white teeth gleaming against your tanned skin’ while you are at it? Thanks.

11. When writing about Victorian London, you may, in sympathy with your characters find yourself using rhyming slang and affecting a Cockney accent to the perturbation of all who know you. I have never done this. Obviously. *ahem*

12. You develop terrible and unseemly crushes on the Dead People that you are writing about such as, oh I don’t know, Charles II maybe? Just pulling that name out of thin air, of course. *ahem* We all know that Hilary Mantel has a serious thing for Thomas Cromwell. This crush leads you to search for loads of pictures of said person and get a bit critical of their mistresses. ‘I don’t know what he saw in that fat floozy Lucy Walters anyway…’

13. You convince yourself that you write all your best work while wearing a long flowing dress. Eventually this leads you onto re-enactment and cosplay sites where you debate for hours about buying replica Marie Antoinette style gowns or Victorian hats, convinced that your writing would become AMAZING if you wore one while sitting staring into space in front of your laptop.

14. You join re-enactment societies in the hope that they will help you experience what life was REALLY like in the period that you are writing about. All it really teaches you is that it’s not a good idea to get in the way of a pike block; cannon fire smells of rotten eggs; you don’t actually like folk music and falling down dead is a great way of sleeping off a hangover.

15. You find yourself envying chick lit writers and the way they can blithely just write away without having to stop every five seconds to check facts in the mountain of history books that wobble precariously around your laptop.

16. When you read a book set in the 20th or 21st centuries you get COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY by the plot potential of having stuff like um telephones and wow, crikey, CARS rather than letters, pigeons, surly messengers, carriages and horses.

17. If you are traditionally published you may feel a pang of annoyance that you spent ages letting all of your readers know that your heroine is a creamy skinned, hazel eyed redhead only for the cover to cut her head off altogether.

18. You often think that life would be a lot easier for your heroines if they had access to Lush bath bombs, really good chocolate and Vogue magazine.

19. You try not to think about the fact that your characters probably really really REALLY smell but every so often the thought intrudes and you have to go and have a very long shower on their behalf. Also, while writing sex scenes you occasionally become distracted by the fact that your heroine has almost certainly never shaved her legs or armpits and are not quite sure what to do with this information – ‘he stroked her silky pelt’? BRAIN BLEACH.

20. If you are writing a book set during the Ripper murders of 1888 you may find yourself spending rather more time than you would wish hanging about the TRUE CRIME section of the book shop. You may even find yourself looking at books called things like ‘Hard Bastards’ and ‘More Hard Bastards: Harder And More Bastardy Than Ever’.

What would you add to the list? I haven’t touched on things like writing your own ancestors no matter how dull into your plots; having to put up with your husband looking over your shoulder and complaining that ‘You never let ME do that’ when you are writing sex scenes; finding yourself writing more death scenes in one book than Sean Bean has had in his entire career and the dawning realisation that all of your books fall under the category of ‘Posh Doom’…

Bad Writing Day

24 Feb

I had a bad day yesterday, which is why I didn’t post here or anywhere else really other than to be glum about Prime Suspect and complain about the weather. I don’t like having bad days so let’s work through this together. Don’t worry, it won’t end badly.

When I first started this blog almost three years ago, I decided that I was going to use it to talk about the research for my books and also chat a bit about the writing process. At some point I also seem to have made the decision that I was only going to tell you all about the good bits and none of the bad. This was wrong.

You see, over time, increasing amounts of people have become interested in self publishing their work and I think it is up to those of us who have already done so and with some modest success to give advice, help, encouragement and also an honest view of how such an interprise will most likely turn out. I have a duty, I suppose, therefore to disclose everything good AND bad that arises as a result of this whole writing shebang.

I hate sharing all the glum bits not just because I know there’s a whole bunch of people who LOVE it when things go wrong for me (I’m not being pious, I bloody LOVE it when things go wrong for them too) but also because it’s not in my nature to dwell on the unpleasant and annoying. However, I also feel a bit ridiculous only ever shouting about the good things because that’s a bit show offy, right?

Well, sort of. Actually, as well as it being really handy for prospective self publishers to know all the pitfalls of the potentially huge emotional investment that they are about to make, it’s also good for them to have a bit of hope that the miserable ‘You’ll only ever sell five copies and all of those will be bought BY YOUR MUM’ brigade are full of nonsense and probably have their own parlous agenda for keeping them in their place. I shouldn’t feel bad, then, for wanting to shout about excellent sales and really lovely reviews and so on because it’s all going into the collective pot of Good Feelings about self publishing and that’s just dandy.

Anyway, suffice to say that I had a Bad Writing Day yesterday and almost jacked the whole thing in for good because I had some rather negative feedback about my work and even though I immediately acted upon it, deleted loads of text, added loads of extra bits and generally tore my current piece of work apart, I still felt really upset and confused by the whole thing. Don’t worry – it’s pretty typical for authors to react with disproportionate amounts of angst to criticism so I don’t feel too ridiculous admitting to this and ultimately I have ended up with a FAR stronger work in progress and a better idea of how to take it forward too, so that’s okay.

It was rough though for a while.

However, I’m fortunate enough to have a cheerleading husband who hugged me a lot and calmed me down by reminding me that a. I sell a thousand books a month b. I get great reviews c. I have actual fans who want me to write more things and d. this blog is very nearly at a million hits so I’m not a rubbish writer at all, but someone who writes things that people apparently want to read about. Which altogether had the effect of making me feel rather worse and as if I’d somehow slighted all of the people who have bought and enjoyed my books or hit up my blog for a lunch time read by going off on a ‘I’M A TERRIBLE WRITER’ schlep.

So I won’t do that any more.

Once I’d calmed down, I decided that constructive action was needed so I did three things:

1. I made all the necessary changes to the Work In Progress and then contacted the amazing talented Del des Anges about properly editing it for me once it is finished, whereupon I will be publishing it myself, hopefully with another Lisa Falzon cover, although I need to ask her about that, obvs.

2. I put my first two books, The Secret Diary of a Princess and Blood Sisters on Scrivener and spent a lot of time getting them ready to be updated on Kindle and also released as special edition paperbacks in the next few months.

3. I noted that there have been more calls for a sequel to The Secret Diary of a Princess and made a new Scrivener page for another Young Adult book which has the working title: Marie Antoinette 4 Louis. Now that The Secret Diary is approaching 4,000 sales (in fact, it might have just tipped over), I think I should probably start paying attention to what my readers want! Anyway, the sequel will involve MORE letters from Amalia, MORE practical jokes and MORE Madame du Barry. So there.

All of which made me feel MUCH better.

Other things that made me feel better were:

1. Reading more of Palace Circle by Rebecca Dean, which I have wanted to read ever since it came out but miserably failed to do UNTIL NOW. It is everything that I hoped that it would be but reading it in the depths of my angst also made me feel more confused and also a bit huffy as there are vast swathes of Telling interspersed with Showing that is so subtle that I have no idea what just happened so I moved on to…

2. Watching two series of Prime Suspect, one after the other which was pretty satisfying if a bit gruesome at times. It’s not as good as Whitechapel though (NOTHING is as good as Whitechapel), which I will be blogging about later on as I feel that the current series deserves a little joyful paen all of its very own.

3. Drinking hot chocolate with les petits gars from these divinely cute Jamie Oliver mugs that were sent to me by Palmers. I have the Little Sweetheart mug (for Oscar) and Little Tiger one (for Felix) and adore them as they are just the right size for small people. I’m not a fan of hot drinks but I do like to lie around drinking hot chocolate and pretending that I am in fact Sarah Churchill in a ridiculous fontanges headdress or maybe Madame de Pompadour. NOTHING could be more cheering.

4. Booking Camping Plus for this year’s Camp Bestival so we don’t have to worry about camping on a slope and will have showers and our own carefully reserved plot on a flat to look forward to. We’re not very good at camping.

5. Writing a list of all the amazing things that are coming up on this blog: Kensington Palace, Hampton Court Palace, Althorp, Camp Bestival, Emilie Autumn, another chance to be trolled mercilessly after I review a Stewart Lee gig, a mystery trip abroad, a book launch and also a couple of other very special things that are currently in the pipeline but I should hopefully be able to tell you about soon…

6. Pictures of Tom Hardy in Marie Antoinette.

7. Corgi puppies.

Not bad really for a post that started out as a bit of a complain! I feel like that there should be a moral to all of this really, so let’s just say that it’s okay to be upset about criticism so long as you use it to your own ends. Or something. Also puppies and Tom Hardy are awesome.

Full Time Novelist (part time researcher)

18 Feb

I made a HUGE decision yesterday, which is a bit of a big deal not just because of its HUGENESS but also because I am a typical indecisive wishy washy Libran. Leave me alone – I really believe in all that stuff! Okay, just a little bit – but don’t tell my husband as he thinks it’s all nonsense.

Over the last few years there has been much gnashing of teeth and moaning on at my husband about the fact that I’d rather be writing books than working at my often tiresome ‘day’ job as a researcher (it’s not all bad – I work from home which is pretty good if you like that sort of thing, which I very much do) but boring fiscal stuff like having to pay a mortgage, buy food and pay bills meant that I couldn’t just jack it all in and do as I please. It’s been miserable though and there have been weeks on end when I’ve really struggled to find the time to write because the demands of work and family life were far too great to be surmounted.

Well, those days are seemingly over. Temporarily at least. The fact is that for the last few months, I have been making twice as much money from selling my books as I have been from plodding away at the researching and as it seems madness to invest more time in the thing that I enjoy least and now apparently get paid less for, from now on I am swapping things around and being a full time novelist and very part time researcher.

This is a bit exciting really for all sorts of reasons but mostly because dreary people often go to great lengths to inform me that it is impossible to make any sort of living from writing books and especially not *gasp* *clutch those pearls* self published efforts like mine, so this is a bit of an IN YOUR FACE to them.

I also feel a bit daunted because, thanks to growing up in the eighties, it feels sort of WRONG to be making money from something that I enjoy so much but I’m being sensible here and not giving up my researching altogether as I still have those bills and whatnot to pay and my writing career could go all Titanic at any point so I need to have something else on the back burner just in case all my books stop selling.

Also, it’s going to take a bit of time to get over the fact that for a LONG time now I’ve felt actively guilty whenever I’ve ‘bunked’ off work to do some writing as however well my books are selling, I have this mindset that Work = GOOD and Writing = A FUN BUT ULTIMATE WASTE OF TIME. It’s just nonsensical really when most of my income now comes from the books so surely I should be putting more work into them?

It’s good though, isn’t it? I’ve spent my first day as a Full Time Novelist sitting here in my nightdress, reading about Charles II and tearing my hair out over this chapter, which bears very little resemblance to actual recorded events. Later on, when I feel like I have wrestled to a sufficient degree with Charles and the Hague and snooty Mademoiselle and the young Louis XIV, I may have something to eat and then do a little bit of work. Ah, I love it.

As to the bearing little resemblance to actual recorded events, I do a LOT of research for my books and like to stick to facts as much as possible (in fact, if anything I am mostly guilty of trying too hard to stick to facts and shoehorn every possible piece of information in) but every so often, my imagination gets carried away and all those chronicles and first hand reports get chucked to the wayside, there to languish sadly until I come to my senses again. I’m not writing an actual history book though and have to keep reminding myself of a. this fact and b. that it’s okay to deviate a little bit every so often and c. the person on Twitter who unwisely pontificated that no one without a PhD in History should ever write a historical novel is WRONG and also BAD.

Also, those ‘actual recorded events’ aren’t always all that reliable – or so I keep telling myself, anyway…

PS – This is all thanks to those of you who were kind and generous enough to buy copies of my novels, and especially those who were lovely enough to leave a review afterwards. Thank you. x

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