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Marie Antoinette’s wedding day, 16th May 1770

16 May

My novel about Marie Antoinette, The Secret Diary of a Princess seems to have attracted a really nice faction of fans (hello!) and I get emails and comments pretty much every day asking if there will be a sequel. I’m not sure if there will be any more as I have so many other projects on the go but as today is the 242nd anniversary of their wedding day (what stone is that? Kryptonite?), I thought I’d let you see what happens next.

The novel ended with Marie Antoinette and the Dauphin poised to enter the chapel for their wedding. Some reviewers have complained about this as they thought it too abrupt, but I thought it was the perfect place to leave them – poised on the brink of history as it were. This should hopefully please those readers.

Wednesday 16th May 1770, Versailles.

It didn’t take us long to reach the royal chapel and there was a small awkward pause as my ladies hurried forward to tweak my full skirts and, clicking their tongues disapprovingly against their teeth, do their best to hide the wide expanse of lacing at my back, which reveals that my beautiful cloth of silver dress, made from measurements carefully sent from Vienna several months earlier, was now far too small for me.

They tried not to show how irritated they were but I could tell by the way that they sharply tugged and pulled the laces and briskly turned me this way and that, that they were annoyed with me for having had the temerity to grow and show them all up.

‘Good luck,’ Jeanne de Mailly whispered when the ladies in waiting finally melted away, their wide silk and brocade skirts rustling against the cold marble floor. ‘You look beautiful. Look straight ahead and ignore all the staring.’ She gave my hand a quick surreptitious squeeze. ‘You’ll be fine.’

I turned and smiled reassuringly at the Dauphin, who was standing mutely beside me in his diamond and sapphire spangled coat which I am told cost more than my entire wedding ensemble, his pale eyes wide with terror while a pulse beat time in the vein at his temple. Now that I had overcome my own fears, I wished that there was some way that I could bring the colour back into his pale cheeks and stop him trembling. ‘It will be over soon,’ is the lame best that I could manage as he hesitantly took my hand and we stepped forward together into the luminous white and gold light of the chapel.

Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of the perfect wedding, complete with a gorgeous dress, handsome prince and all of my family smiling fondly as they watched me sail gracefully up the long crimson carpeted aisle towards the altar. Mama would proudly wipe tears of joy from her eyes and my brother Joseph, tall and handsome in blue watered silk would be waiting to give me away to my new husband, who’d watch me lovingly as I made my way up the aisle. Even though I knew that it was all impossible, that such a wedding could never happen, I’ve still clung to that dream no matter what and in the end, the reality wasn’t all that bad in comparison.

True, my beautiful dress didn’t fit properly; my prince although fair, isn’t exactly handsome and my family were all thousands of miles away but nothing could have prepared me for the breathtaking spectacle of the columned gilt and white marble chapel at Versailles in all its wedding day splendour. The bright spring sunlight shone through the tall windows, sending bright shards of coloured light floating over the assembled congregation while overhead there soared a beautiful painted ceiling which depicts scantily clad angels cavorting against a pure azure blue sky.

Everywhere I looked there were flowers – huge fragrant armfuls of white and yellow lilies, roses and peonies were arranged in vast porcelain vases at the end of each pew and in between the windows while the most enormous displays of all were reserved for either side of the cloth of gold covered altar.

Everyone turned to stare at us as we went past and despite Jeanne’s advice to look straight ahead and pretend not to see them, I couldn’t help letting my eyes nervously slide from side to side, taking in their painted unsmiling faces, the dazzling jewels that glittered like cold fire in the sunlight, the heavily perfumed coloured silks and brocades worn by both men and women. ‘I have come to live among you,’ I wanted to say to them. ‘I want you all to love me.’

Ahead, I could see the tall Duc de Chartres beside his pretty wife who hides a razor sharp tongue beneath a silly, frivolous exterior. Her flounced and lace trimmed dress of primrose yellow silk spangled with diamonds was the very height of fashion and as I drew nearer I saw that she had yellow roses and sapphire stars pinned into her powdered hair. Beside her stood the pretty Princesse de Lamballe, demure in cream satin and pearls and with pink peonies tucked into her cloud of fair hair, who smiled at me shyly and raised her hand in greeting as I drew level.
I longed to smile back, to throw my arms around her and weep with the relief of having someone on my side amongst this sea of unfriendly faces but instead I merely inclined my head and carried on, keeping my happiness to myself. I have a friend here, I thought. Only one but it’s a start.

We were in front of the altar now and the Archbishop of Rheims stepped forward in his opulent cloth of gold robes embroidered with roses, the lilies of France and suns to conduct the service. As he began to speak, I risked a quick look back over my shoulder to the crimson velvet hung balcony high above where the King, standing alone in magnificent solitude, watched the ceremony. I risked a small smile and in return was rewarded with the tiniest of winks and a proud nod. Two friends, I thought.

The Archbishop has the most unfortunate stammer and I longed to catch the Dauphin’s eye and share a smile as he struggled manfully with my name: Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna. He stared resolutely straight ahead though and although there is something about him, a shyness and earnestness of manner, that reminds me of my younger brothers, I do not feel like I have his measure quite enough yet to share anything so intimate as a joke.

Instead, I hopped from side to side, trying to ease the aching of my feet in their high heeled diamond studded shoes which pinched my toes and thought about my family far away in Vienna. On the day of my proxy wedding to the Dauphin, which took place back in April, I wondered about this boy now at my side and tried to imagine how he must be feeling, knowing that in Austria an unknown young girl was in the process of becoming his bride. Now, with him beside me, I thought about my family and hoped that they were wishing me well. They would be, of course. I could picture them easily, sitting around a table in Mama’s apartments in the Hofburg and toasting each other with wine as Joseph grinned and said: ‘At this very moment, our little Antonia is becoming Dauphine of France. Thank God that after all these years, it has finally all gone to plan. I might even get some sleep tonight.’

The Dauphin gave a discreet little cough beside me and with a start, I realised that we had reached a point in the ceremony where we were expected to kneel on the two red velvet cushions that had been placed in front of the altar. Two angel faced altar boys stepped forward in their snowy white robes and began to swing sweetly scented incense over our heads as the Archbishop, really getting into his stride now, raised his voice and began to intone in the most dramatic way.

Behind me I could hear the bored whispers, coughs and occasional muted giggles of the congregation and if I concentrated harder, I could even hear the swishing of the ladies’ silk dresses and creaking of their stays as they fidgeted impatiently, dropping their leather bound prayer books onto the marble floor and clicking the ivory and wooden sticks of their painted and gilded fans between their fingers.

After what seemed like forever we stood again and blushing and sweating nervously the Dauphin took my hand in his and pushed a ring which he almost dropped in his haste to get the task over and done with, onto my finger, while muttering: ‘Marie Antoinette, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.’

A dark haired page boy then stepped forward with a white satin cushion upon which rested a second ring which has been blessed by the Archbishop along with thirteen gold coins, which represented my purchase from my family. I picked it up and, looking him squarely in the eye, I put it onto the Dauphin’s outstretched finger, clearly saying: ‘Louis Auguste, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity…’ I was determined not to show the slightest sign of fear in front of these people and I smiled to myself, imagining them all sitting up straight and looking around in consternation as my young voice soared clear and high above them.

The Mass and communion, which we took while standing beneath a silver spangled canopy held by four gentlemen of the court, followed shortly after that and then a great gasping sigh of relief rippled through the chapel as the choir began to sing and we turned to make our way back out again. As we slowly passed beneath the royal balcony, I looked up and smiled at the King then blushed when he bowed and kissed his bejewelled fingers to me.

‘That went well,’ the Dauphin remarked as we reached the doors and found ourselves in the cool marble vestibule again.

‘Did you notice the stammering?’ I said, laughing and turning to my ladies in waiting to share the joke. ‘Jose-pha-pha-pha.’

Everyone else laughed, pleased to lighten the mood and share the relief that the ceremony had gone without hitch but the Dauphin just looked at me reprovingly. ‘The Archbishop is a good man and you ought not to mock him,’ he said stiffly before going red and turning away as I stared at him in astonishment.

There was an awkward silence during which my ladies in waiting looked at us both open mouthed in mingled shock and amusement. I can just imagine the gossip that will flow like water in the salons of Versailles and Paris this evening. ‘Well,’ I said at last, with a forced jocularity. ‘I must say that I feel suitably reprimanded.’ I was seething inside though. Seething. If one of my brothers spoke to me like that, I would tip a drink over his head. Or pull his hair. I briefly considered pulling the Dauphin’s hair, which peeps dark blond and thick from beneath his powdered wig but then regretfully decided against it.

‘Your Highness?’ Jeanne was at my side, her pretty face carefully blank. ‘The King will be waiting upstairs for you to come and sign the register.’ The formality of her manner brought me to my senses and reminded me that we were being watched by thousands of people, all crammed into every nook and cranny of the palace’s public rooms in order to watch us pass by. If I wasn’t careful, reports of my row with the Dauphin would be landing on my mother’s desk within a matter of days and I’d have a delightfully reproving letter to look forward to. Never mind Paris, it is Vienna’s disapproval that I need to avoid at all costs.

‘Of course.’ I longed to stick my nose in the air and sweep straight past my new husband, leaving him all alone in the vestibule to reflect upon the error of his ways but instead I waited for him to give me his hand and then stiffly walked beside him back up the stairs to the reception rooms above while the crowd pressed close and followed behind. I unbent enough to whisper: ‘I don’t think I will ever be able to find my way around Versailles.’

Louis didn’t even look at me. ‘You’ll soon get to grips with it,’ he said without interest.
We retraced our steps through the magnificent series of reception rooms overlooking the gardens and then swept around to the magnificent, luminous Hall of Mirrors again, which was once again crammed with thousands of people, including most of the congregation at the wedding who must have gathered up their heavy skirts and sprinted ahead of us so that they could jostle their way into the best positions in front of the dozens of orange trees that stand between the tall windows, their sweet ripe scent filling the hall and almost masking the rather less pleasant odour of dozens of unwashed bodies crammed together in a small space on a warm spring day.

A pair of footmen in navy blue and red livery swung open the mirrored doors that lead to the King’s council room and the Dauphin took me inside. The entire royal family had gathered there to greet us and as we stepped into the room, they politely applauded us with every appearance of genuine pleasure in our union while King Louis himself stepped forward with open arms to welcome me. ‘You did very well, my dear,’ he murmured, kissing my cheeks, enveloping me with his rich scent of musk and amber then leading me to the large table in the centre of the room where the parish register book had been carefully placed with a large golden ink well and fresh white feather pen beside it.

The King signed first, his signature a tall and elegantly confident underlined ‘Louis’, before handing the pen to his grandson who produced a cramped and off kilter ‘Louis Auguste’. It’s my turn next and I dipped the pen into the ink then proceeded to carefully sign my name. All goes well through the unfamiliar loops and fuss of ‘Marie Antoinette’ but then disaster struck at the beginning of ‘Josephe’ when the pen blurted out an immense splodge of rose scented ink onto the otherwise pristine page.

My cheeks went hot with embarrassment as I heard the Duchesse de Chartres snigger behind me but then my husband whispered: ‘Don’t worry, just carry on’ and so I did, completing ‘Jeanne’ with a triumphant flourish and stepping aside with much relief as one by one the rest of the family – my new brothers and sisters in law, my husband’s trio of middle aged aunts and the Chartres couple stepped up to sign their names after mine.

After this we accepted everyone’s congratulations again and I found myself wondering more and more about the tall unhappy looking boy who stood so silently at my side, not saying a word and clearly wishing that he could be somewhere else. But where?

The sunshine didn’t last forever and shortly after I had returned to my apartments for a brief rest and another abortive attempt to tighten the lacing on my gown as I held onto my bedposts and the maids tugged with all their might behind me, the heavens opened and rain began to first splatter and then slam alarmingly against the thin window panes in my bedchamber. ‘It’s not a proper wedding without a bit of rain!’ Jeanne announced gaily as I pouted with disappointment.

‘But what about the fireworks?’ I said. The King had arranged for an enormous firework display over the gardens that evening and I absolutely couldn’t wait to see it. All of our weddings and celebrations at home in Vienna are marked by fireworks and I felt like it would make me feel closer to home.

‘I am sure that the rain will have gone long before they are due to start,’ Marie-Paule de Chaulnes murmured in her comforting way. Although it is her custom to only ever wear white, in tribute to her status as a virginal wife, she had donned a gown of the palest rose pink with matching roses at her bosom and in her soft fair hair in honour of my day.

The evening celebrations began at the stroke of six with card games in the candlelit Hall of Mirrors, watched closely by a curious throng of several thousand onlookers who passed slowly by behind a temporary gilt barrier and were moved brusquely along by the King’s formidable Swiss Guards should any of them linger over long. Before she left Austria to be married to the Duke of Parma, my sister Maria Amalia and brother Joseph spent a great deal of time teaching me how to play cards and gamble properly as such occupations are central to the life of Versailles where everyone is expected to take part and vast sums are won and lost every night. At the King’s table, however, it is not the done thing to make extravagant bets and Madame de Mailly warned me in a whisper that as a result play can be rather dull indeed.

So dull in fact that I almost fell asleep several times and had to be nudged awake by the Duc de Chartres who sat beside me and took a great interest in helping me with my hands of cards, often at a cost to himself. ‘Bet now,’ he whispered behind his hand upon which an enormous ruby glowed in the candlelight. ‘Hah, look at Madame Adélaïde squirm. She’s cheating as usual but no one is allowed to say anything.’

On the other side of the green velvet covered table, the Dauphin was frowning down at his cards and looking rather miserable. ‘Games of chance are not Louis Auguste’s strong suit,’ the Duc whispered to me with a wicked gleam in his dark blue eyes. ‘Unlike myself he is always far too afraid to gamble even when the odds are in his favour.’

It was still light outside and as we played I could hear music, shouts and laughter drifting up through the open windows from the gardens outside where several thousand people seemed to be having an enormous open air party with stalls of cakes and wine, dancing and even puppet theatres erected between the flowers on the parterre. How odd it seemed that I was stuck indoors playing boring card games in prim silence while outside people were celebrating my wedding day.

‘If the rain holds off, we should still be able to have the firework display,’ the King said to me when we finally got up from the table to make our way to the formal banquet. ‘We haven’t had a really splendid round of fireworks for many years now so I’m looking forward to it.’

‘When we were small, we used to go up on to the palace roof to watch fireworks,’ the Duc de Chartres murmured to me as I handed my small pale blue velvet bag of winnings to Jeanne de Mailly for safe keeping. ‘Perhaps I could take you up there sometime, your Highness? The views across the gardens and park are really quite stunning.’

I looked at him, feeling a little cornered, but could see nothing but an innocent wish to please me in his expression. ‘Thank you, Monsieur le Duc, that is most kind,’ I said, with absolutely no intention of ever taking him up on his offer. If anyone is going to take me up on to the roof and show me the sights of Versailles, it will be my new husband, that painfully taciturn boy who blushed and sighed miserably as he offered me his arm to lead me down the gallery.

‘I hear that you do not enjoy games of chance?’ I said to Louis as we made our way down the marble staircase.

He looked startled. ‘Did Philippe tell you that?’ he asked after a moment’s pause with a look over his shoulder at the Chartres couple who followed close behind us. I could hear the Duchesse shrieking with laughter at one of her husband’s whispered jokes and felt uneasy as I suspected that they were making fun of my ill fitting dress.

‘Yes.’ I nodded, wishing that I could hear what they were saying behind me.

Louis shrugged. ‘You shouldn’t believe anything that my cousin tells you,’ he said, leading me through a mirror lined vestibule and then down a series of galleries to a sweeping white marble staircase that rises up from a black and white tiled floor. Despite the immense bouquets of roses and lilies that had been arranged in front of the windows, there was still a subtle underlying aroma of fresh paint and I looked enquiringly at my new husband.

‘My grandfather ordered that the opera house be completed for the wedding. It’s taken a team of men several months of work to finish it in time,’ he said, leading me up the stairs. It is the most animated that I had ever seen him. He even smiled at one point – or perhaps it was just a trick of the light. ‘There were carpenters, stonemasons and painters everywhere.’

‘What do you think?’ the King turned and smiled proudly at me as we followed him into the marble walled foyer with tall high windows that spilled moonlight onto the polished parquet floor and beautiful crystal chandeliers twinkling overhead. ‘I believe that this is my finest addition to Versailles. I like to imagine my grandfather, the Sun King Louis looking down from Heaven with approval for what I have done here. It is finer by far than the theatre that he installed.’
I looked around myself with true pleasure. ‘It is very lovely,’ I murmured, which makes him smile even more.

‘Oh dear,’ the Duchesse de Chartres said, pointing up to the window with a little moue of disappointment, ‘the rain is coming back.’

‘Perhaps it will go away again,’ the King said hopefully but as we enter the opera house, it began to lash heavily against the windows making them rattle alarmingly. From outside we could hear shrieks of dismay from the thousands of merry makers in the gardens as they ran for cover while thunder rumbled ominously overhead and for a brief moment I found myself wishing that I was with them, running free as a bird through the rain instead of cooped up inside in a too tight dress with a grumpy husband and everyone staring at me.

‘Well, that’s the fireworks cancelled then,’ the Comte d’Artois muttered furiously behind me. ‘That was going to be the high point of the day. There’s nothing to look forward to now.’
If my first glimpse of the chapel was breathtaking then the first time I stepped into the Versailles opera house left me speechless. The smell of fresh paint was even more overpowering now and my mother, who likes the things around her to be old, tarnished and comfortable, would certainly sniff disparagingly at how gleaming new it all is with bright untarnished gilt decorations, shining salmon pink and jade green marble walls and brand new gold tassels on the swagged pale blue stage hangings. I don’t care, though; I think it is beautiful.

Although it is usually designed to be used as a theatre, much of the floor had been raised to the same level as the stage and an enormous table laid out for a splendid banquet had been placed in the centre of it – here we were to sit and dine in state while the rest of the court either milled around lower down in the pit or had staked claim to the mirrored balconies that line the walls. ‘Ingenious is it not?’ the Duc de Chartres leaned in so close to me that I can smell the cloves and wine upon his breath and a furtive scent of something else underneath that made me quickly take a step away from him. ‘It took three hundred soldiers all working together to raise the floor.’

‘How astonishing,’ I said, not knowing what else to say. I sat down on the King’s left hand and smiled across at the Dauphin, who was sitting opposite me then looked down the rose and peony covered table to where the Princesse de Lamballe was sitting opposite her elderly father-in-law, the Duc de Penthièvre, who is the Duchesse de Chartres’ father. She was fussing with her napkin and listening intently to a rambling monologue by the dark eyed, intense Comtesse de la Marche, who is the Italian daughter-in-law of the Prince de Conti.

And how do I know who these people are? Because of my lively new brother-in-law, the twelve year old Comte d’Artois who looks like an angel with high cheekbones, soft pouting lips and pale blue eyes but has the most wicked sense of humour ever. He whispered to me constantly through dinner, telling me about everyone there and relaying the most shocking scandals, most of which cannot possibly be true.

‘I see that you have made friends with Chartres,’ he whispered at one point and not very discreetly either so that I blushed red with embarrassment and looked down the table to be sure that no one had overheard. ‘Be careful around him.’

‘Why?’ I sipped at my wine. ‘He seems very friendly.’ I didn’t mention how uneasy he makes me feel or his offer to take me up on to the palace roof.

Artois raised a dark eyebrow. ‘He seems friendly,’ he said with a meaningful look. ‘He’s always been very adept at pushing himself in where he isn’t wanted. Aunt Adélaïde says that he would like to be King one day but of course all of us are in the way so he can’t be.’ He lowered his voice even more. ‘He was mad as fire when it was announced that you were coming to marry Louis,’ he said. ‘He’s terrified that you’ll have lots of babies and put him even further away from the throne.’

I blushed at the mention of babies and hastily looked across the table at the Dauphin, but he was busy cramming roast chicken into his mouth and hadn’t heard anything. ‘Isn’t he rich enough already?’ I asked, remembering what Jeanne told me about the Duchesse de Chartres’ enormous six million livre dowry. ‘Isn’t it better to be rich and a private person?’ I looked around the hundreds of people who had crammed themselves inside the beautiful opera house just to watch us eat. I am sure that if they were allowed, they’d all be lining up to watch us use the chaise percée afterwards as well. I can’t imagine actually wanting all this fuss and nonsense.

Artois stared at me as if I had completely taken leave of my senses and jumped onto the table to do a striptease in between all of the candelabras. ‘Are you really an Empress’ daughter?’ he asked at last, laughing. ‘Or is it like one of those fairy tales where a maid swaps places with the princess and teaches everyone a lesson in humility?’

I laughed too and gave an apologetic shrug. ‘I am sorry,’ I said, looking mournfully down at an aspic covered crayfish on my plate and pushing it away with my gold fork. ‘It’s just that I hate eating in public. Don’t you?’

‘Not really,’ he said with a yawn. ‘Of course, it is difficult to care as little as my brother,’ he added with a pointed look across the table to where the Dauphin was allowing a long suffering footman to help him to more roasted chicken and rich creamy caper sauce from the magnificent profusion of dishes in the centre of the table. Artois turned to grin at me. ‘He’s always had a good appetite,’ he said, patting his stomach. ‘It’s the Bourbon way. We all love our food.’ He nodded across the table to his other brother, the Comte de Provence and sister Clotilde, who were eating even more greedily than their elder brother. ‘Personally, I’d prefer not to be fat so I try to restrain myself a little.’ He sipped at his wine. ‘It’s more elegant, don’t you think?’

I smiled and nodded, my attention now caught by Madame Adélaïde, who had paused, fork in hand to glare from beneath her thick dark eyebrows up at one of the balconies. ‘Such impudence,’ she muttered furiously to one of her sallow faced sisters, who was shrinking anxiously into her chair. ‘This would never have happened if our sainted maman was still alive.’

I followed her gaze up to the balconies, which were stuffed full of gorgeously dressed courtiers, many of whom were leaning perilously over the edges of their boxes with their opera glasses and, astonishingly, telescopes trained upon us. It didn’t take me long to see who had provoked Adélaïde’s annoyance – in the very central box, directly opposite the stage there sat beautiful Madame du Barry in solitary splendour and dressed as if for battle in glittering cloth of gold with diamonds blazing at her ears, throat and wrists and even spangling the tall white and yellow feathers that she wore tucked into her curled and powdered hair.

‘Oh dear,’ I murmured, blushing as I remembered what Madame de Chartres told me of Du Barry’s rather less than impressive origins – that she is the illegitimate daughter of a seamstress and a monk and walked the streets before catching the King’s eye. It seems incredible that such a woman should end up here at Versailles, looking down at us all from her opera box like some sort of painted deity. As I stared at her, she gave a pouty little smile and lifted one sparkling hand in languid greeting.

‘Did you say something, my dear?’ the King looked up with concern from the pile of oysters that he was working his way through with immense enjoyment. ‘I hope that you are not becoming tired?’
I smiled and shook my head, pulling my gaze away from Madame du Barry. ‘Oh no,’ I said, hiding a yawn behind my hand. ‘I am not at all tired.’

He looked across at his grandson, the Dauphin, who sat on his other side and was busily stuffing roasted turbot into his mouth and eyeing up the elaborate cakes, puddings and sticky sugared fruits that had just been placed on the table by the liveried footmen who lined the back of the stage, waiting to anticipate our every wish. ‘My dear boy,’ he murmured. ‘Is it really wise to eat so much tonight?’

The Dauphin stopped eating and looked first at me and then at his grandfather. ‘Why not?’ he said tonelessly. ‘I always sleep better after a good meal.’

He spoke into a lull in the general conversation and everyone at the table turned to stare both at him and, more pityingly, me. I looked down at my plate, feeling my cheeks go red hot with shame as I heard the Duchesse de Chartres snigger and whisper ‘It looks like more than one firework display has been cancelled tonight,’ to the elderly Duc de Bourbon next to her, who started to laugh then cough into his napkin.

‘My dear,’ the King put his hand on mine and I looked up to see that his grey eyes were full of concern. He looked as though he wanted to say more but really, what can one say?

When the banquet finally came to an end, the King rose heavily from his chair, nodding grandly to the assembled company then with enormous dignity that couldn’t quite mask the fact that he had drunk rather too much of his own fine beaujolais and champagne left the stage, while we all scrambled into place to hastily follow him. The Dauphin, clearly unwilling to leave the food, wiped his mouth and greasy fingers with a fine linen napkin before throwing it aside and offering me his hand.

‘It’s been a long day,’ I said to him as we retraced our steps out of the opera house and back through the palace to my apartments on the ground floor. Our route was lined with courtiers, who smirked impudently at me as I went past. Everyone knew what was going to happen once the Dauphin and I were left alone.

Louis snorted and raised one shoulder as if in half agreement. ‘We have a week of this to look forward to,’ he grumbled. ‘Parties, the opera, a ball…’

‘Oh I love parties!’ I enthused, feeling frustrated by his dour manner and wanting to needle him a little. ‘And balls.’

‘I hate parties,’ he said, still not looking at me. ‘I’d rather be left alone.’ To do what?
The King had originally planned that we make our way in great and dramatic state across the moonlit courtyard from one wing of the palace to the other with running page boys carrying flaming torches to light our way, but the heavy rain and occasional rumblings of thunder put a stop to that. Instead we walked at a swift trot through endless candlelit, crowded rooms and up and down two sweeping marble staircases to get to my apartments on the ground floor of the opposite side of the palace.

Once we arrived there, I was ushered inside and led to a tall screen painted with climbing roses, peacock feathers and my personal cypher MA which had been placed at the side of the bed. After my heavy dinner, unusual amounts of wine and exhausting walk through the palace, I was longing to just tumble into bed and sleep it all off but unfortunately, this was not to be permitted as there was another public ceremony, the coucher, to endure first.

‘Your Highness must be publicly prepared for bed,’ Madame de Noailles whispered, ushering me over to the screen while the Dauphin was taken off to a matching screen on the other side of the bed by his grandfather, who with great ceremony handed him a white linen nightshirt.

I looked nervously around the great crowd of people who had followed us into the room and crammed themselves into the very corners just to watch us be put to bed together. My brother Joseph had warned me about this so I knew what to expect but even so I was unnerved by the sight of them all goggling at me as, with a saucy wink, the Duchesse de Chartres handed me my lace trimmed nightdress and I blushingly stepped behind the screen with my ladies in waiting to be stripped of my heavy wedding dress and changed into it.

‘They can’t see any of me, can they?’ I whispered anxiously to Jeanne, folding my arms in front of myself protectively as one of my ladies deftly undid my laces while another helped me step out of my enormous panniered silver skirts. Oh the relief to be finally free of them at last.

Jeanne’s eyes danced with laughter. ‘Not one little iota can be seen, Your Highness,’ she said, gently prising my arms away from my chest so that I could be eased out of my corset. ‘Only Monsieur le Dauphin will be permitted to lay eyes on you tonight.’

‘I don’t think he wants to,’ I whispered a little glumly as a maid quickly unpinned my hair and then brushed out the light coating of powder so that it fell heavy and warm around my shoulders.
Jeanne shook her head warningly and placed one finger lightly on her lips before producing a bottle of musky rose scent and dabbing it behind my ears, on my wrists and between my breasts.

I stepped out from behind the screen and stood awkwardly for a moment beside the great canopied bed with its elaborately swagged and tasseled raspberry pink silk curtains, waiting for the Archbishop of Rheims to finish the traditional blessing with holy water, while on the other side, the Dauphin also stood, looking awkward and pale legged in his white nightshirt. I wondered if I should smile and nod to him, so that he knew I felt peculiar and scared too, but as he was clearly so resolutely determined not to look at me, I instead turned my gaze towards the King, who was looking at the bed with an expression of great sadness.

As soon as the blessing was finished, I immediately pulled back the heavy embroidered silk coverlet and fine lace edged sheets and hopped into the bed. ‘Madame la Dauphine is very keen,’ I heard someone whisper with a titter. ‘I thought that Austrians were supposed to be a cold blooded race?’

‘Go on,’ the King urged the Dauphin, who was still standing beside the bed and looking down at the coverlet with an indecisive frown between his eyes. ‘In you get, my boy.’
Louis gave a shrug then clambered heavily in beside me, taking great care that no part of him, not even his nightshirt should come into contact with me. I can’t tell you how flattering this was.

The heavy curtains around the bed were slowly closed, plunging the Dauphin and I into gloom and hiding us from view. I listened to him breathing and considered reaching out to take his hand, but before I could do so, the curtains were once again opened, revealing us to the immense crowd of courtiers who smiled, nodded and applauded as though we have done something very clever indeed.

Regard,’ the King said to the courtiers with a proud flourish before turning back to his grandson and I. ‘We shall leave you both alone now,’ he said and again there was that slight sad smile before he turned on his high red heel and left the room with the bowing, smirking mob of courtiers in his wake. The Duc de Chartres lingers for a moment as everyone else streams past him and he gives me a sad smile before turning and joining the throng.

The door closed behind them with a click and in the distance I could hear the chatter, laughter and occasional hallooing hunting calls of the court as they noisily made their way up the stairs and back to the main apartments to continue the evening’s revelries.

The Dauphin made an exasperated noise then jumped from the bed again. For a terrible moment, I thought he was going to storm out but instead, to my relief, he merely went around the room pinching each of the candle flames between his thumb and forefinger. ‘Clearly they’d like us to burn to death,’ he muttered as he went about his work.

‘Perhaps your grandfather thought that we might like to see each other?’ I said timidly.

Louis looked at me then. ‘Why would we want to do that?’ he said before pinching out the last candle and plunging us into darkness.

I snuggled down into the bed and listened as he padded across the floor in his bare feet then climbed fumblingly back into the bed again before easing himself against the pillows with a sigh. Surely any minute now I would feel his hands upon me and his breath warm on the side of my neck? Perhaps he would even attempt a light kiss? Some nuzzling maybe? Or maybe something a bit more passionate?

I heard snoring from his side of the bed.

Oh.

Amazon UK: The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette

Amazon US: The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette.

Phew, I did it! Ten thousand book sales.

9 May

I’ve been quiet, haven’t I? I wish I had an excuse but I don’t really – I’ve just been busy working on my fourth novel, which is going very well indeed, thanks for asking! The young Louis XIV just EXUDES sexiness. Sorry, but he does. Every scene that he turns up in just CRACKLES. Phew. It’s really taking it out of me.

In other news though:

I’VE SOLD MY TEN THOUSANDTH BOOK!

Yes, that’s right. Ten thousand of my books are languishing on Kindles ALL OVER THE WORLD. Unless they’ve been deleted or something. But hey, let’s be optimistic here, there’s probably ten thousand of them OUT THERE RIGHT NOW. TEN THOUSAND PIECES OF MY MIND. Wow.

It’s a bit creepy really.

I know that ten thousand book sales is PIFFLE to most of you, but to me this is a Big Deal because I didn’t expect to sell ANY books. Actually, that’s not true – I expected my husband and maybe four or five of my friends to buy copies. Not the friend who said ‘I won’t buy a copy until someone says it’s any good’. No, not that one. Some other friends though. Thank you to them and er the thousands of other people who bought at least one as well. Seriously, thank you. I think you are all amazing.

What am I doing to celebrate, I hear you cry. Well…

Yup, working on the next chapter, which as you can see involves Prince Rupert, Elizabeth of Bohemia, Paris and um snow.

I’m also counting down the hours until midnight when Hilary Mantel’s Bring Up The Bodies will hopefully be hitting my Kindle. I’m planning to start reading straight away and at once. Oh man, I can’t wait.

Actually, what you really want to know is the HOW and WHY, isn’t it? I’ve covered the basics of Kindle publishing here and can’t really think of much to add to be honest other than to gently implore my fellow self published writers to outsource editing and illustration, DON’T OVERPRICE, think about your online reputation before you get all snarky in public forums, quit the automatic daily spamming of your book links on Twitter, PLEASE GOD NO MORE AUTO DMS about your books to people who follow you and have fun.

High fives all round, I think.

My books:

The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette

Before the Storm

Blood Sisters

Historical connections

8 May

Here’s another thing that I love love LOVE about writing historical fiction – those little serendipitous snippets of research that all come together in the most delicious bundle of WOW and also slightly creepy coincidence.

For example:

I had to do a bit of research into Frances Stuart, who is most famous for completely blowing out the amorous Charles II and making off with James Weasley Stuart, Duke of Richmond instead. I just wanted a few facts and figures to play with before I let her trip in and out of my book (she would have known Henrietta Stuart as a little girl as her father was Henrietta Maria’s physician and her mother was one of her dressers).

The first thing I discovered was that she had a sister, Sophia who was also a bit of a looker. Crikey. Sophia doesn’t appear to have had the same taste for DRAMA! as her elder sister and settled into marriage with Henry Bulkeley, who wasn’t even the eldest son of Viscount Bulkeley. The Honourable Mrs Bulkeley would become a lady in waiting to Mary of Modena, the second wife of James II and is believed to have been present at the controversial birth of Mary and James’ son, who was alleged to have been smuggled into the bedchamber inside a warming pan.

Sophia and her husband had six children, only three of whom appear to have survived childhood. Their eldest daughter, Anne, was to marry James FitzJames, Duke of Berwick-on-Tweed and illegitimate son of James II and Arabella Churchill on the 18th of April 1700 while they were exiled in Paris.

He was quite handsome for a Duke. A bit smug looking, maybe but, hey, if you like that sort of thing…

The FitzJames couple had ten children and THEIR eldest daughter, Henriette (born 16th September 1705) was to marry Louis de Clermont d’Amboise, Marquis de Reynel on the 7th of November 1722. They had four children before her premature death at the age of thirty three.

This is where it gets just too creepy, as their eldest son, Jacques Louis Georges de Clermont d’Amboise, Marquis de Reynel had just one child, a daughter called Thomase Thérèse, who was born in September 1746 and would marry the Comte de Stainville and eventually become mother to Françoise de Choiseul-Stainville, Princesse Joseph de Monaco, one of the very last victims of the Terror in 1794, whom I am a bit obsessed with.

Here’s another one of Anne’s descendants – Laure-Auguste de Fitz-James, Princesse de Chimay, who was lady in waiting to Marie Antoinette.

My husband is extremely unimpressed by all this but I’m really quite excited in a weird sort of way. I mean, I had no idea until literally twenty minutes ago that my heroine, Françoise was actually the ancestral niece of the famous Frances Stuart and now there’s this big family tree and lots of interesting stuff and connections going on. How completely mad is that? I love history.

Okay, maybe I’m the mad one…

The fear of rejection and why it’s (probably) okay

30 Apr

A photo of me, looking rejected.

As I approach my 10,000th book sale, which is apparently going to happen at some point in the next couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about writing, what it means to me and what my ultimate goal is. I mean, what do I want to get out of this? What is my long term plan and do I even need to have one?

The one thing that keeps popping up in my mind though is my epic fear of rejection and I’ll be honest, it paralyses me. I wouldn’t say that is the main reason that I decided to self publish, but it’s pretty high up on the list. People like to carp on rather a lot about self published authors having ‘run out of agents to submit to’ but that isn’t the case for me as I’ve only submitted work on a couple of occasions and then very unwillingly.

I don’t think my writing is terrible (if I did then I wouldn’t self publish and I probably wouldn’t write this blog either) but I anticipate rejection nonetheless because that’s what writers are conditioned to do. We all know that even the greatest books of all time were probably rejected several times before they attracted an agent or publisher and most of us take heart from that because how can you take it personally when it happens to everyone regardless of the quality of their writing? I still feel that stultifying terrible fear though. I mean, rejection is still REJECTION no matter how much you pretty it up, rationalise it or explain it away. It still means that someone didn’t want you.

I suppose I could analyse myself a bit and determine that my fear of rejection stems from my unhappy childhood but I don’t think we need to go down that unfortunate path. I will, however, tell you a little story about something that recently happened to me. Or didn’t happen, depending on how you look at it. I think there’s a moral to this – there certainly seemed to be when I was turning it over in my mind in the bath just now but it might get lost in all the mimsy and nonsense. We’ll see.

A photo of me almost exactly ten years ago on the VERY NIGHT THAT THIS STORY BEGINS. I met the other two people in this photo for the first time on that night and they are both on speaking terms with me – in fact both were at my wedding several years later so there you go. I don’t know who the man? in the red top is though. He definitely wasn’t at my wedding though.

Once upon a time, many years ago, in fact ten years ago exactly, I met a young man that I am going to refer to as M at a goth festival in a certain town in the north of England. It was probably quite romantic – I don’t really remember much about what happened but he was very nice and kissed me for the first time as we watched the waves crash against Whitby beach in the dead of night and all that sort of thing. We then retreated to the sofa of the cottage I was staying in and had to pretend to be asleep when someone burst in and tried to murder one of my friends. Like I say, it was probably quite romantic.

Anyway, I really liked M and I thought he quite liked me. He used to ring me up drunkenly from pubs and even came up to Nottingham one weekend to visit me, which was probably quite nice although I can only vaguely remember what happened due to copious amounts of GIN. Anyway, I really liked him and hoped we could maybe, you know, go out with each other or something because that’s what people who like each other do.

However. At the time all this gin drinking, snuggling up in pubs and hopeless longing was going on, I’d just had a major relationship breakup and was temping and sleeping on a friend’s sofa while trying to save up to get a place of my own and M wasn’t really in a much better situation a few hundred miles away. The owner of my residential sofa had known me since my very first day at university so was allowed to tell me Home Truths and after meeting M, whom he incidentally liked very much, he delivered unto me a very long lecture about how unsuitable it would be for me to have a relationship with anyone until I’d sorted myself out.

I therefore broke things off with M while we lay on a bed together at a party somewhere in Hertfordshire, which was very, very hard but I believed I was being grown up. I regretted it terribly though. Worse was to come when in a moment of drunken sincerity, I confided something about M that I ought not to have done to someone that I thought I could trust but actually couldn’t. By the time I’d realised that I’d made a mistake though it was too late and M was seeing someone else and by one of those weird quirks of weirdness, I started seeing M’s new amorata’s ex boyfriend and, at the time, arch enemy shortly afterwards which made things more than a little awkward between us.

The years pass. I briefly got engaged to said boyfriend and he ditched me two weeks before our wedding day (I honestly don’t mind any more but I do love to trot that one out as it generally makes people gasp and clutch their pearls a bit) and then got together with Monsieur Guillotine, whom I had also met at the very same goth festival as I’d met M at, only an exact year later. M and I stopped talking at some point in 2005.

Maybe we could all take a leaf out of Bernard Black’s book about how to deal with rejection…

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH REJECTION? I hear you all cry. IS THIS LIKE THE SOFA SCENES AT THE START OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER OR SOMETHING? ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GET TO THE POINT OF ALL THIS TIRESOME REMINISCING ABOUT LONG DEAD ANGST AND INIQUITY?

Just let me get to it and all will be revealed! Or possibly not, anyway, let’s get on.

Ten years have now passed since Whitby Beach and I’ll be honest, I haven’t really thought about M all that much in that time. I’ve been busy for one thing and for another, as soon as he started seeing someone else, I didn’t really think of him in a romantic way at all any more. I mean, I’m no angel, but I have some vague principles or something. However, just recently, I’ve found myself wondering ‘I wonder how M is?’ and, more pertinently, ‘I wonder if we could ever be friends? I mean, I really liked him before and he’s always made me laugh. Could we be friends? Or has it been too long?’ Oh and also ‘Why can’t I be like other grown ups and actually be friends with at least ONE of my ex boyfriends or ex not quite boyfriends?’

And then that word appeared. Yes, THAT word. REJECTION.

‘Pah,’ I said to myself but not aloud because that would actually be MADNESS. ‘I can handle rejection.’

We know this isn’t true but let’s ignore that as in full knowledge of this incontrovertible and unpalatable fact, I sent M a message on Facebook of all places to say hello. After several hours he replied in a not entirely unfriendly but certainly rather confused way. ‘Hurray,’ thought I. ‘This isn’t bad at all.’

However, it then became clear from his general lack of replies that he didn’t really want to talk to me at all (I’m one of those people who kind of likes to niggle, I’m afraid, so if someone doesn’t want to talk to me, that just makes me want to talk to them EVEN MORE so you can probably imagine just how this wincingly awkwardly awful one sided conversation went) and a friend request that I blithely sent was pointedly ignored (I was quite pleased about the ignoring to be honest – in the manner of bored Regency gentlemen, my husband and I like to make bets about pretty much everything and I have money riding on M not accepting my friend request) although he did ‘maybe’ an invitation to come to the pub with me next month so who knows what’s going on.

It’s clear though that I have been REJECTED in epic HE JUST ISN’T THAT INTO YOU AT ALL AND IN ANY WAY NO NOT EVEN AS A FRIEND (any more) style. I knew I would be, which is why I did it. Oh no, I’m not some sort of heinous emotional masochist or anything like that. It’s just that like a lot of people I have scabs that I like to pick and feelings that I like to probe and niggle like sore teeth or an aching joint. There’s also the fact that I was raised as a Catholic and, well, I may have lapsed but I still can’t resist a spot of penance or, as this post most excellently demonstrates, the lure of the confessional.

Rejection though. Crikey. You know, like rather too many unpleasant things, it’s every bit as bad as you think it’s going to be no matter how much you brace yourself or tell yourself that it’s all okay and won’t be all that bad. Oh, you poor naive fool. Of course it’s all that bad. It’s like a gigantic bucket of ice cold water right in the face, delivered with a harsh reminder of your own littleness in the general scheme of things and stinging slap that makes you teeter on your suddenly clownishly oversized shoes in front of a po faced audience of everyone you have ever wanted to impress. All of which leaves you raw, red faced and gasping from the sheer awful humiliation and indignity of it all.

Me after I have come to terms with my fear of rejection and poked an IRON FIST into its eye while laughing disdainfully IN ITS FACE. This was actually going to be one of the two photographs I have of M and I being drunk, with M’s face photoshopped out and replaced with something comedic but I then decided that like most things I think up at 2am when I’m suffering from insomnia, this wouldn’t be a very good idea. Also I couldn’t think of anything suitably comedic and yet also unlikely to cause offence to photoshop over his face.

The thing is though that humiliating, awful and heinous though it undoubtedly is to be rejected when you put yourself forward, pop your head above the metaphorical parapet or offer up your hand in friendship, the fact remains that IT DOESN’T ACTUALLY KILL YOU. Unless you have a weak heart and it actually IS teamed with a bucket of ice cold water to the face. Generally though, in these days of soul deadening electronic communication, it won’t be.

I feel pretty dumb right now and also extremely stupid but I can also recognise that it’s OKAY because no one died, because just because one person didn’t want to be friends with me doesn’t mean that no one else does either and because this doesn’t actually say anything at all about my worth as a person.

Maybe it all comes down to numbers in the end – I’d feel a lot happier submitting to an agent now because I’ve got a respectable amount of sales and good reviews under my belt and so when they pass, I can tell myself that it’s all okay and just because they don’t want me doesn’t mean no one else does either and this doesn’t say anything about my worth as a writer or a person. Likewise, I feel pretty fine about offering the hand of inept friendship to people who cross themselves in horror at the mere memory of me because as well as my husband who for some reason has appeared to adore me for almost nine years, I actually have dozens of friends who either don’t think I am awful or accept my awfulness and like me anyway. If there’s one good thing about the misery of rejection, it is that it highlights all the ways that you have NOT been rejected and makes you doubly appreciative of them.

Also, I almost certainly owe M a rejection, don’t I? He’s not exactly talkative so I had no idea at all back then what he thought of me at any point from the time I met him to the point that we stopped talking. I have even less idea now. I made the mistake of assuming that because he never and not once mentioned his feelings to me about any of it then he must obviously just not care. Maybe he didn’t but if he did then clearly a proper apology, which I have now made, was overdue.

Is there a moral to all this? I think there are three: firstly that REJECTION IS HORRIBLE BUT IT’S A FACT OF LIFE and especially so if you want to be a writer, secondly WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER but only if you let it and thirdly that IT’S BETTER TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE, to have an open heart, to give things a whirl than never let yourself risk the fear of rejection and so miss out.

Oh and fourthly: don’t ever contact ex not quite boyfriends.

The Ripper novel from Hell…

29 Apr

It’s been a busy week here at Guillotine Towers so apologies to everyone waiting on emails, Facebook messages, reviews and stuff from me as I’m feeling completely overwhelmed right now. It’ll be business as usual next week though!

There’s been a definite Ripperologist buzz here as I started work on what will probably be my fifth novel. The original plan was to write a multi perspective piece exploring the effects of the Ripper murders on women of the era, but this eventually changed to become a time slip novel merging the past and present. Which would explain why I’ve been reading so many time slip books lately in an attempt to work out what I think works and what doesn’t appeal to me at all.

So far, all of the time slip novels that I’ve read have been quite similar in style with milquetoast heroines, a dash of romance and an underlying theme of righting the wrongs of the past in some way that generally seems to involve a couple getting together for an EPIC SMOOCH. I’ve also read different types of time slip that involve reincarnation, trances, possessed artifacts, diaries and actual time travel. It’s been a pretty instructive time actually as I’ve found that there’s more different types of time slip books than I had anticipated and that writing one is actually a lot more complex than just writing two stories in different eras and then neatly tying them together. Or maybe it is?

I’ll talk more about how the time slippage in my Ripper novel will work when I’ve actually managed to get more than a couple of chapters finished, but I think it’s fair to say that I’m pretty excited right now about the whole project.

As part of my initial research, I’ve been delving into the story of my Victorian policeman ancestor, Sergeant David Lee from H Division a lot more with the help of Ripperologist, Neil Bell. Initially we were hampered by the lack of a collar number but then found it in this old newspaper article from 1880, which mentions him…

A body in a coal cellar! How typical. St George’s Chambers seems to have been one of those horrible little lodging houses that provided barely adequate accommodation for many people in the east end during the nineteenth century. In Charles Dickens Jnr’s Dictionary of London (1879), he wrote: ‘About the best sample of this kind of establishment extant will be found at St. George’s chambers, St. George’s-street, London-docks, a thorough poor man’s hotel where a comfortable bed with use of sitting-room, cooking apparatus and fire, and laundry accommodation, soap included, can be had for 4d. a night, all kinds of provisions being obtainable in the bar at proportionate rates. To any one interested in the condition of the London poor, this establishment is well worth a journey to the East-end to visit.

As my ancestor was a Sergeant at the time, he wouldn’t have been doing a beat but Neil hasn’t been able to ascertain yet if he was a beat sergeant, who would have checked up on the officers or manning the desk in one of the local stations, possibly Leman Street.

Anyway, now that we are armed with a collar number: 26H, it means that I can start looking for him in photographs of the period. Also, in newspaper articles of the time, collar numbers are often cited rather than names so there’s that too.

I was hoping to find Sergeant David Lee in the best known photograph of H Division, grouped around what is alleged to be Inspector Abberline, but alas he isn’t there. Some people think this photograph was taken just before the 1888 murders but the Sergeant with the 26H collar number shown sitting next to The Alleged Abberline isn’t my ancestor, but rather a certain William Pennett, who is best known in Ripperology circles as the officer who made the grisly discovery of the Pinchin Street torso in September 1889.

Pennett was a plain old bobby at the time but then it appears that he was promoted to Sergeant in 1890 after my ancestor retired and took over his collar number of 26H. This is interesting as it means that the well known photograph of H Division must have been taken AFTER mid 1890 rather than before 1888 as a lot of people suppose and was probably after 1895 as Neil, who is an expert on the policing of the area of the period, tells me that’s when the new uniform tunics were introduced. I’m a bit disappointed, of course, that it isn’t my ancestor in the PRIME POSITION on the front room and next to The Alleged Abberline himself, but I can’t help but be pleased that our little bit of research has helped a bit with the dating of this photograph.

All of this is adding to my plans for a research trip to London next month. I’m planning visits to the Museum of London and Bishopsgate Institute as well as some lengthy mooches around Whitechapel to take photographs and make notes. I’m also going to my favourite pub with some friends. Well, some friends and ‘maybe’ someone who may or may not like me at all! It’s okay, I’m not completely mad – they USED to like me but now they might not. Or maybe they never liked me at all? Who can tell? Anyway, I have a fiver riding on them not turning up so it’s a big deal. Clearly.

Anyway, moving on. Which, I, apparently, find it impossible to do…

In other book news, I’ve now officially commissioned a brand new cover of GORGEOUSNESS for my Marie Antoinette novel: The Secret Diary of a Princess from Lisa Falzon, who painted the lovely cover for Before The Storm. I’ve made a sumptuous Pinterest board in its honour and cannot WAIT to see what she comes up with! I’m planning a bit of a giveaway when the new cover launches…

Meet the hero!

18 Apr

Ah, despite the fact that I don’t really write historical romances, it’s always a bit of a special event when my hero makes his first entrance – in this case at a Louvre ball where he discomforts my poor Princess Henrietta. To mark this happy day, I thought I’d introduce him to you as well.

Well, what do you think? Hot or not? I’m definitely leaning towards the HOT, but those big bouffanty periwigs have a tendency to hide all manner of sins. It’s incredible. It makes the most average looking men really quite tasty. Or maybe that’s just me. It’s probably just me, isn’t it.

Anyway, my hero is Guy Armand de Gramont, Comte de Guiche who was born on the 25th of November 1637 to the Duc Antoine III de Gramont-Toulongeon, Marshal of France and his wife Françoise-Marguerite du Plessis de Chivré, who was a niece of Cardinal Richelieu.

Known by all as Armand, the Comte de Guiche was renowned by pretty much all who beheld him as one of the handsomest men at Louis XIV’s court. Besides his fabulous good looks, wit and rather arrogant charm he is also remembered for his supreme bravery in action and amorous adventures which included being lover of both Henrietta and also her husband, Philippe as well as attempting a brief flirtation with Henrietta’s lady in waiting, Louise de la Vallière before Louis XIV warned him off. What a guy.

His younger sister, Catherine-Charlotte de Gramont (1639-1678) was also no stranger to courtly drama. She married Louis I, Prince de Monaco on the 30th of March 1660 but preferred to live at the French court, where she served as Henrietta’s closest lady in waiting and involved herself in all sorts of intrigues, that mainly seemed to focus on getting rid of Louise de la Vallière. Catherine-Charlotte was to have her own fling with Louis XIV after La Vallière made her final flounce off to a convent but it was short lived and she was swiftly replaced by Athénaïs de Montespan, yet another of Henrietta’s ladies in waiting (you’d be forgiven for thinking that her ladies were the most beautiful, charming, cultivated and flimsily moralled at court as they also included Louise de Kerouaille amongst their numbers) and confidantes.

Armand married Marguerite-Louise-Suzanne de Bethune Sully (1642-1726) on the 23rd of January 1658 but they don’t seem to have got on all that well. Unsurprisingly! After his death in Germany on the 28th of November 1673, she went on to marry the Duc de Lude and became chief lady in waiting to Henrietta’s grand daughter Marie-Adélaïde de Savoie, Duchesse de Bourgogne.

Phew! I can see that I am going to have a lot of fun writing about him! I mean, I’m not saying that I have an IMMENSE CRUSH on him or anything but oh, what the hell…

My top tips for writers…

11 Apr

Oh dear, no sooner have I traversed the ‘Can I Call Myself A Writer Now?’ hurdle than I am pulling up in embarrassed confusion in front of the ‘Am I Now Qualified To Dispense Advice?’ one. It took me ages to confidently declare myself to be a writer and there’s still plenty of people out there who are all too ready to put me in my place because, haven’t you heard, you aren’t ‘allowed’ to call yourself a writer unless a. you have an agent, b. your books are actual books that can be bought in shops and c. they’ve heard of you.

Anyway, I thumb my teeth in their general direction and gaily call myself a writer to, well, pretty much everyone these days. After all, most of my income now comes from the fruits of my finger tips so I have to boldly put ‘WRITER’ on my tax self assessment and everything and if HMRC Revenue and Customs think you are a writer then who is going to argue with them?

Am I qualified to dispense advice though? Well, here’s the thing – people keep on ASKING me for advice as if, well, I am some sort of writer who might actually KNOW things. I can’t advise on how to become traditionally published because that’s something I know NOTHING about. I’d also take anything I have to say about voice, POV or tense with a HEFTY pinch of salt as I’m currently writing in the apparently loathed anathema that is FPPT (First Person Present Tense) and rather love it. Okay, I REALLY love it.

I CAN however talk about writing historical fiction, self publication and also how to actually BE a writer so, you know what, I think I can crank something out.

Here we go then, ten tips for being a writer.

1. Don’t forget to eat.

2. Join a gym or take up some sort of activity that gets you away from your laptop and out of the house.

3. Read lots and lots of books. Don’t copy though as obviously that’s really bad.

4…

Oh God, you know what, you don’t need advice from the likes of me. The only thing you really need to do is write. That’s all. Just WRITE. And don’t forget to eat.

My books:

The Secret Diary of a Princess: a novel of Marie Antoinette

Before the Storm

Blood Sisters

To ye or not to ye?

3 Apr

Good golly, I’ve been quiet, haven’t I? I’ve been busy writing though, so have a good excuse for this parlous neglect. The Minette book is going SO well and the research has been spawning all sorts of intriguing ideas for future blog posts – which I will write just as soon as I have a bit more time and am not immersed in 1654.

It’s not just giving me ideas for blog posts though – I’m also thinking about future book projects as well including a Young Adult novel set at the exiled Stuart court at the Palais Royal and a novel about Elizabeth of Bohemia as she and her family have fascinated me ever since I was a little girl. They’ll have to wait though as I have a list as long as my arm of prospective novel ideas!

I’m having the day off tomorrow to go to Hampton Court Palace for a press preview of The Wild, The Beautiful and The Damned exhibition about the debauchery of the late Stuart courts. I cannot wait! It’s seriously well timed too as I am reading about Charles II at the moment and have been having wistful thoughts about going somewhere closely connected with him – and where could be better than the place that he spent his honeymoon with poor little Catherine of Braganza?

Of course, I have places intimately connected with Charles much closer at hand – including the town of Bridgwater, where he is alleged to have lost his virginity to his former nurse, Christabella Wyndham. Now, for the sake of you that have never had the INTEMPERATE JOY of having visited Bridgwater, I’m going to point out that I can think of few less romantic places. Still, could have been worse. Could have been Luton. Or Ormskirk.

I had a rather nice dream last night in which I found myself back in one of my English lectures at university and the lecturer, who looked a lot like Judith Jesch, who taught me for Anglo-Saxon literature (I’m not sure what to be honest, but it involved Beowulf) , asked us all to think of our favourite words. I woke up with a list in my mind, which I will share with you now:

1. Lachrymose.
2. Milquetoast.
3. Pulchritude.
4. Quagmire.
5. Iniquity.
6. Verisimilitude.
7. Sanguine.
8. Incorrigible.
9. Quintessential.
10. Halcyon.
11. Cerulean.
12. Persnickety.
13. Baroque. (My husband went to university in NE England and claims that a local bar called Baroque was pronounced as ‘Bar-o-Kew’ by the locals.)
14. Serendipitous.
15. Proselytising.
16. Internecine. (Someone Tweeted the other day that they didn’t understand what this word means and I was absolutely SCANDALISED.)
17. Random. (In the unusual/unknown/unexpected sense, which I have been using it in since Sixth Form.)
18. Fell. (As in ‘fell intent’ – this gets people all the time, much to my delight.)

I’ll stop there – what are your favourite words?

Speaking of words and also to justify the title of this blog post, which I am unduly pleased with, one of the things that I decided when I abandoned the first attempt at the Minette novel was that I was also going to abandon all attempts to write seventeenth century dialogue. The reasons for this are numerous but basically boil down to the fact that a. I usually but not always find it deathly dull going and rather irksome when historical fiction writers make their characters speak with a profusion of ‘ye’, ‘thou’ and *shiver* ‘thee’ and b. I happen to prefer a more contemporary spin on the past as is probably evidenced by both this blog and also my adoration of Wolf Hall, Plunkett and Macleane, Sherlock Holmes and Marie Antoinette.

I’m not saying that I have my characters lazing about drinking Kool-Aid and saying things like ‘Cromwell’s dead! AWESOME.’ or ‘Oh yeah, I went to the execution and there were all these, like, totally random people hanging about the place’ but I have been trying to keep the dialogue snappy and letting my own sense of humour creep in as well.

I may have gone too far though as I let my husband, who is not at all a fan of historical fiction, read the first few chapters the other day to see what he thinks and he expressed concern about some of the language used because it didn’t seem ‘very historical’. He was mainly concerned because I had Minette express a private wish to punch the Grande Mademoiselle in the face. ‘Oh, come on, if you knew what the Grande Mademoiselle was like, you’d want to punch her in the face too,’ was my response…

The thing is, I suppose, that the sort of historical fiction that I don’t enjoy is very concerned with accentuating and meticulously underlining the ways in which people of the past were different to us, while, like Hilary Mantel who is now my Writing Heroine, I am concerned with emphasising the way that actually they weren’t so very different at all and had all the same concerns and preoccupations as we have now.

What do you think, dear reader? Do you prefer a bit of ‘ye’ and ‘thou’ in your historical fiction?

Anyway, be good y’all, and I’ll be back with my report about Hampton Court Palace and the BEAUTIES within on Thursday!

Ps. If you can’t get to the The Wild, The Beautiful and The Damned exhibition at Hampton Court, there’s a frankly gorgeous looking book to accompany it, which may console you somewhat…

Beauty, Sex and Power: A Story of Debauchery and Decadent Art at the Late Stuart Court (1660-1714)

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